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zakboy
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« Reply #2145 on: February 06, 2012, 06:48:32 AM » |
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My blind gay friend came over for a visit, so I suprised him by leaving the plunger in the toilet. He was in there for hours.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2146 on: February 06, 2012, 06:51:30 AM » |
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I got one of those free scratchcards in my newspaper today.
I scratched the panels off, to reveal three shoes.
What a sh-t prize. I only have two feet.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2147 on: February 06, 2012, 06:52:23 AM » |
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Chelsea fans adding to their embarrassment by threatening to trash referee Howard Webb's car.
How stupid are they? Everyone knows he travels on the Manchester United team bus.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2148 on: February 06, 2012, 06:58:11 AM » |
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makes me sick when people label JT as 'the racist Chelsea defender' - I mean for fu-ks sake he hasn't been able to defend properly for at least 2 years!
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2149 on: February 06, 2012, 06:59:09 AM » |
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Arsenal Fans: We Don't Need Batman, We Have Robin
Man United Fans: We Don't Need Spiderman, We Have Webb
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2150 on: February 06, 2012, 06:59:47 AM » |
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Apparently Alex Ferguson received a red card in the tunnel from today's referee Howard Webb.
It said 'Happy Valentines day' on the front.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2151 on: February 06, 2012, 07:07:27 AM » |
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Katie Price came into my bar and ordered a 7up.
I told her to fu-k off, I don't want any sex games in here
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2152 on: February 06, 2012, 07:10:42 AM » |
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Thwaites and Reed are bringing out the 'Sir Alex Ferguson cuckoo clock'.
It's much like a normal cuckoo clock, though when it goes off in a morning, Alex Ferguson pops out and glances at his watch, and suddenly you have an extra 5 minutes in bed.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2153 on: February 06, 2012, 07:20:24 AM » |
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Don't know if anyone else has noticed but Man Utd's main player has a slightly different colour kit on.....
Howard Webb is wearing black
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2154 on: February 06, 2012, 07:26:59 AM » |
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A man is madly in love with a princess and wants to propose, but an evil witch has cast a spell on him, and now he can say only one word a year. So he waits fourteen years, accumulating all his words, before approaching her.
Finally, the big day arrives. When he sees her, his heart skips a beat. He gathers his nerve, drops to his knees, and says,
"My darling, I have waited many years to say this...will you marry me?"
The princess turns around, smiles, and says, "Pardon?"
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2155 on: February 06, 2012, 01:12:05 PM » |
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A police constable comes in off the beat and has to report to his sergeant.
"So," says the sergeant. "Anything unusual happen today?"
"Nah," says constable, "there was just this woman who fell from the 10th floor. Stone dead."
"And that's nothing unusual?"
"Well, it would've been unusual if she'd survived."
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2156 on: February 06, 2012, 01:12:45 PM » |
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My Jewish friend makes his wife walk five steps behind him,
in case he drops any money.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2157 on: February 06, 2012, 01:13:48 PM » |
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As the head of security in a Saudi department store, I always find it ironic when I catch someone stealing gloves.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2158 on: February 06, 2012, 01:14:25 PM » |
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Got a few funny looks when I was eating my Caesar Salad at work before.
I don't think there's anything wrong with a bit of cat food.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2159 on: February 06, 2012, 01:16:52 PM » |
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I've seen signs that prove women should be banned from driving in snowy conditions.
A couple were bent and there was a few knocked down completely.
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