|
zakboy
|
 |
« Reply #2130 on: February 06, 2012, 05:53:39 AM » |
|
"Queen celebrates 60 years on throne."
Wow. That is one big dump.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
|
|
|
|
zakboy
|
|
« Reply #2131 on: February 06, 2012, 05:58:15 AM » |
|
A lesbian goes to a doctor because she has an ache in her stomach.
The doctor says, "It's simple, you are what you eat."
So the lesbian turns to him and says, "so are you calling me a pussy"
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
|
|
|
|
zakboy
|
|
« Reply #2132 on: February 06, 2012, 06:00:10 AM » |
|
I told my dim wife that I got pis-ed and slipped into a dike........ she just laughed.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
|
|
|
|
zakboy
|
|
« Reply #2133 on: February 06, 2012, 06:04:47 AM » |
|
just saw an ad for a tv series called 'the good wife'
why would anyone watch a whole series of a womean cooking and cleaning
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
|
|
|
|
zakboy
|
|
« Reply #2134 on: February 06, 2012, 06:06:44 AM » |
|
Went to the Doctors as I haven't been feeling myself lately. She nodded in agreement with me then told me to take my hands off her t-ts.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
|
|
|
|
zakboy
|
|
« Reply #2135 on: February 06, 2012, 06:12:12 AM » |
|
Whilst driving around in my van I noticed a rather tired looking priest and offered the guy a lift. After accepting the offer he jumped into the back of my van and we continued on down the road. Up ahead I saw a chav and as a force of habit began swerving to try and run him over. Remembering my passenger I quickly readjusted the wheel.
As I passed by the chav thinking I had missed him by Inches I heard a loud thud and thought I must have clipped him.
"Sorry priest, I tried to turn, I thought I'd avoided him!" I said
The priest replied, " you did, but it's alright I got the tw-t with the door
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
|
|
|
|
zakboy
|
|
« Reply #2136 on: February 06, 2012, 06:13:33 AM » |
|
A mystery lottery winner has come forward with an offer to buy Glasgow Rangers Football Club.
He got 3 numbers.
|
|
|
|
« Last Edit: February 06, 2012, 06:34:55 AM by zakboy »
|
Logged
|
Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
|
|
|
|
zakboy
|
|
« Reply #2137 on: February 06, 2012, 06:16:38 AM » |
|
I got the sack from my bingo calling job.
Apparently a meal four two with a terrible view isnt the way 2 announce 69.....
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
|
|
|
|
zakboy
|
|
« Reply #2138 on: February 06, 2012, 06:20:14 AM » |
|
"Have you seen the guy on that nose?" I asked as a jew walked past.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
|
|
|
|
zakboy
|
|
« Reply #2139 on: February 06, 2012, 06:21:05 AM » |
|
Unfortunately i won't be watching the superbowl as my paint is drying...
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
|
|
|
|
zakboy
|
|
« Reply #2140 on: February 06, 2012, 06:22:54 AM » |
|
Married sex is a lot like changing a plug.
At some point she'll say, "Let me know when you've finished and I'll put the light back on."
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
|
|
|
|
zakboy
|
|
« Reply #2141 on: February 06, 2012, 06:23:59 AM » |
|
Police officer: You're under arrest for attacking a police officer!
Woman: I wasn't slapping you. I was simply high-fiving your face...
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
|
|
|
|
zakboy
|
|
« Reply #2142 on: February 06, 2012, 06:24:46 AM » |
|
A boy said to his mum, "you and dad made cakes on the sofa last night." His mum said, "how did you know?" The boy said, "because I licked the icing off the sofa."
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
|
|
|
|
zakboy
|
|
« Reply #2143 on: February 06, 2012, 06:38:34 AM » |
|
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices the very handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring. He replies: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you".
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that, number 1, you have to be single and number 2, you must be Catholic."
The ! cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!
"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a passionate kiss. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?"
"Forgive me for I have sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK.
My name is steve and I'm going to a Halloween party."
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
|
|
|
|
zakboy
|
|
« Reply #2144 on: February 06, 2012, 06:40:55 AM » |
|
My friends told me years ago "Once married you'll be half the man you used to be."...
I'm not, although looking at her she's twice the woman.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
|
|
|
|
