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zakboy
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« Reply #2370 on: March 07, 2012, 06:30:26 AM » |
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'Man kill's himself in car cliff plunge',
I think i'd kill myself as well if my name was Cliff Plunge.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2371 on: March 07, 2012, 06:31:40 AM » |
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What's white and runs down a bathroom wall?
George Michael's latest release.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2372 on: March 07, 2012, 06:32:38 AM » |
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I've spent a fortune on driving lessons for my daughter.
But she still keeps lifting her head and slicing the ball.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2373 on: March 07, 2012, 06:34:39 AM » |
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Detective --"So what your telling me is that your best mate,Lee,....yeah?.....was eaten by another friend,.....Ian?, who happens to be deaf?....Really?"
"Yes" I replied.
"Are you absolutely fu-king sure?"
"Yes!" I said "Deaf Ian ate lee"
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zakboy
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« Reply #2374 on: March 07, 2012, 06:38:04 AM » |
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Now Kent has its hops and the Cornish their pasties
And Lancashire hot pot can be awfully tasty
In Cheshire there's cheese and in Yorkshire there's pud
But my wife's old dumplings are Norfolk and good
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2375 on: March 07, 2012, 06:46:31 AM » |
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I was out on a date the other night, when the girl said, "What aftershave are you wearing?"
I said, It's called, Come to me"
She said, "It doesn't smell like come to me"
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2376 on: March 07, 2012, 06:49:11 AM » |
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In a bid to save Glasgow Rangers from liqiudation, it is believed that the highest earners will take a 75 per cent wage cut, while the middle-earners will have their pay packets halved, and the lower earners will lose 25 percent.
Kyle Lafferty has agreed to up his subs from £100 to £200.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2377 on: March 07, 2012, 06:51:38 AM » |
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I've invented a miracle cure for people who complain about dry hair.
Water.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2378 on: March 07, 2012, 07:03:16 AM » |
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You won't believe what what my son has just bought with his pocket money!
Rangers FC!
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zakboy
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« Reply #2379 on: March 07, 2012, 07:04:06 AM » |
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I was in the night club last night when I spotted a fat chick, giving it large, dancing on a table, so I went over.
"They're a fantastic set of legs!" I shouted.
"Ooh," she giggled, with a wink. "Think so, do you!?"
"Yeah," I replied. "Most tables would have caved in with that amount of weight on them."
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2380 on: March 07, 2012, 07:07:27 AM » |
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Andy Carroll vows to score more goals from now on,
He's found a cheat for X Box Fifa.
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zakboy
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« Reply #2381 on: March 07, 2012, 07:11:39 AM » |
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I was on my driving test earlier when the examiner asked me to pull over.
"Right!" he said, "I want to you to reverse around this corner."
"Again?" I replied. "I've just reversed around that corner down there?"
"I know and you knocked a fence down, crashed into and a lamppost and we have a dog trapped in the wheel trim."
"So you're giving me another chance?" I asked in delight.
"No, its just gone 5pm," he replied. "My wife walks home from work this way."
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2382 on: March 07, 2012, 07:42:25 AM » |
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I got covered in ketchup earlier.
From my head tomatoes.
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zakboy
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« Reply #2383 on: March 07, 2012, 07:48:08 AM » |
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Two rednecks, Bubba And Billy Bob, were walking through a pasture. Bubba sees a sheep with its head caught in a fence and says to Billy Bob "I'm gonna get me some of that"! Bubba goes over and sticks the sheep's back feet in his rubber boots, unzips his pants and starts to have sex with the sheep. He looks over his shoulder at Billy Bob and says "Do you want some of this"? Billy Bob replies "yes let me see if I can get my head caught in the fence".
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zakboy
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« Reply #2384 on: March 09, 2012, 12:38:16 AM » |
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One of the female employees at work walked up to me and went,"I think you're a pervert."
I went,"That's a very unfair thing to say if you don't even know me.Let's at least talk about it first.Please sit."
She went,"Well I don't see any chairs."
I went,"It's okay,you can sit on my face."
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