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zakboy
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« Reply #1935 on: January 24, 2012, 11:36:22 PM » |
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A ghost floats into a bar.
The barman says, "Who ordered a spirit?"
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1936 on: January 24, 2012, 11:38:15 PM » |
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My Girlfriend asked me where I wanted to be buried,
Apparently "B*lls deep in your sister" wasn't a good answer.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1937 on: January 24, 2012, 11:39:58 PM » |
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When they were giving out noses my mate thought they said roses so he asked for a big, red one.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1938 on: January 24, 2012, 11:44:01 PM » |
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There was a break-in at the local hospital last night and several urine samples were stolen, assumed as a practical joke.
Headlines in the paper this morning: "Who's taken the p-ss?!".
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1939 on: January 24, 2012, 11:46:29 PM » |
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What do you call a tightrope walker with no arms and no legs?
Clever Dick
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zakboy
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« Reply #1940 on: January 24, 2012, 11:49:14 PM » |
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I was going to shave my beard off, but then decided to give it Amish.
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spanners
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« Reply #1941 on: January 24, 2012, 11:50:12 PM » |
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what do you call two queers without aids,? ?
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smart arse
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clever dick ,,,
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LIVE FAST and DIE YOUNG,, past 50 AND STILL HERE NOW. WAITING. FOR. THE. GRIM. REAPER
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zakboy
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« Reply #1942 on: January 24, 2012, 11:51:41 PM » |
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zakboy
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« Reply #1943 on: January 24, 2012, 11:52:03 PM » |
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I've just returned from hospital after a severe joint problem.
Well they called it rehab, actually.
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zakboy
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« Reply #1944 on: January 24, 2012, 11:53:17 PM » |
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I was watching the Oscar nominations earlier and Jennifer Love Hewitt's bra has again been overlooked for a best supporting role.
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zakboy
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« Reply #1945 on: January 24, 2012, 11:56:27 PM » |
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"I've made Sunday dinner so often now I can do it with my eyes closed!" said my wife.
"That's the fu-king problem" I said, slicing my gravy.
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zakboy
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« Reply #1946 on: January 24, 2012, 11:58:01 PM » |
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My girlfriend says she's leaving me because of my obsession with horse racing.........
She's at the gate now and she's off...
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spanners
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« Reply #1947 on: January 24, 2012, 11:58:26 PM » |
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what do you call ?
two scottish ,,gay,s,,,
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gerald fitzpaterick.
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paterick fitzgerald ..
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LIVE FAST and DIE YOUNG,, past 50 AND STILL HERE NOW. WAITING. FOR. THE. GRIM. REAPER
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zakboy
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« Reply #1948 on: January 25, 2012, 03:48:50 PM » |
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I got thrown out by the missus yesterday..
She mentioned that she wanted to start seeing a therapist to help her deal with her emotional problems.
I suggested a Dog Whisperer.
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zakboy
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« Reply #1949 on: January 25, 2012, 03:51:10 PM » |
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I was chatting a girl up I'd just met.
"Do you believe in sex after three dates?" I asked her cheekily.
"If things get that far, I'd have to think about it", she said with a wink.
My swagger was on now so I asked, "can we pretend we've just had our third date?"
"I suppose we could", she replied, "I don't think things will work out between us. Sorry."
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