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bitzman5
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« Reply #1905 on: January 22, 2012, 08:43:12 PM » |
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May your gardian angel fly faster than you can ride
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zakboy
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« Reply #1906 on: January 22, 2012, 11:40:45 PM » |
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Last year, I gave a woman lying on the pavement
the kiss of life.
Today, a jury decided I'd been kissing the wrong lips.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1907 on: January 22, 2012, 11:43:18 PM » |
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Went to a Chinese restaurant and got a fortune cookie that said "be not afraid to walk through the door of opportunity "
so I left without paying.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1908 on: January 22, 2012, 11:43:59 PM » |
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I was never good at arguing
Till I got married
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1909 on: January 22, 2012, 11:53:26 PM » |
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A blonde and her husband are on a plane.
About an hour into the journey the captain announces that they've lost engine 1 and are going to be an hour late. Ten minutes later the captain announces that they have lost engine 2 and so are going to be 2 hours late. Another ten minutes go by and then the captain announces that they have lost engine 3 and they are going to be 3 hours late.
At this point the blonde turns to her husband and says "I hope we don't lose engine 4 or we'll be up here all night!"
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1910 on: January 22, 2012, 11:54:25 PM » |
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I booked a week off work in preparation for watching 127 Hours..
.. Turns out it's only on for 93 minutes
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1911 on: January 22, 2012, 11:56:08 PM » |
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If you watch 127 hours backwards its basically a really nice film about a one armed man who finds his arm in between a rock
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1912 on: January 22, 2012, 11:57:08 PM » |
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I think I'm going to hang myself later.
That self portrait I had done is going to look great above the fireplace.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1913 on: January 23, 2012, 12:04:06 AM » |
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My girlfriend thinks I drink too much because I'm bored; says I need to get a hobby.
So I got one of those home brewing kits.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1914 on: January 23, 2012, 12:05:26 AM » |
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Just finished watching the arsenal match
I haven't seen that much fuss over a Russian Sub since the cold war.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1915 on: January 23, 2012, 12:13:23 AM » |
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"How dare you break wind before my wife" said the host of a dinner party to his guest. "Oh I'm sorry" said the guest, "I didn't realise it was her turn".
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1916 on: January 23, 2012, 07:07:45 PM » |
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I saw Mario Balotelli taunting a Tottenham fan today.
Not like him to kick a man when he's down...
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1917 on: January 23, 2012, 07:15:25 PM » |
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THE MOST FUNCTIONAL ENGLISH WORD is SH-T... That's right, Sh-t!.. You can smoke sh-t.. get sh-t faced.. buy sh-t.. sell sh-t.. lose sh-t.. find sh-t.. tell people to eat sh-t.. forget sh-t.. some people know their sh-t and.. some have sh-t for brains.. there's crazy sh-t.. there's bullsh-t.. horse sh-t.. chicken sh-t.. deep sh-t.. the wrong sh-t.. the right sh-t & not enough sh-t.. weird sh-t.. scary sh-t.. up sh-t creek with out a paddle.. and sometimes everything you touch turns to sh-t... You could pass this on if you give a sh-t... or not if you don't give a sh-t... Hope you have a sh-t free week.... But remember sh-t happens!! ...
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1918 on: January 23, 2012, 07:17:45 PM » |
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A monk walks into a brothel, the prostitute says "Take that cloak off, why are you always wearing it?"
The monk replies "sorry, it's a habit"
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1919 on: January 23, 2012, 07:18:20 PM » |
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a bicycle cant stand on its own because its two-tyred
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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