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zakboy
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« Reply #1890 on: January 21, 2012, 04:25:56 AM » |
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After getting stoned with some friends. it thought i would be all right to drive.
5 minuets into my journey i got pulled over by a police officer.
he said "How high are you?"
"no, its hi, how are you" i corrected
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1891 on: January 21, 2012, 04:28:05 AM » |
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A little guy is sat at the bar, when all of a sudden a thug smacks him in the face and says "thats kung Fu from Japan", a bit later the thug smacks him again and says " thats karate from Korea", the little guy gets up and leaves the bar. A short while later he comes back and smacks the thug knocking him out cold and says to the barman "when he comes round tell him that was a Shovel from B&Q...."
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1892 on: January 21, 2012, 04:35:02 AM » |
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What do you call a prostitute in a wheelchair?
Deals on wheels
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1893 on: January 21, 2012, 04:36:08 AM » |
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I was trying out phone sex for the first time last night, when the girl asked "what are you wearing?"
"Condoms in my ears", I replied.
"What? Why?" she asked.
I said, "I don't want to get hearing AIDS."
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1894 on: January 21, 2012, 04:36:43 AM » |
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Think you've got a tough job?
I clean the windows on automatic doors.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1895 on: January 21, 2012, 04:39:07 AM » |
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Just ate a virtual pizza, Finished it in 4 Bytes.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1896 on: January 21, 2012, 04:42:47 AM » |
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My maths teacher said 'draw a square,' and I drew a circle.
he said 'you idiot, that's a circle go, stand in the corner'
I said 'where's that?'
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1897 on: January 21, 2012, 04:43:42 AM » |
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Steven Hawking too ill to attend party at Science museum to mark his 70th birthday.
He's got a virus
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1898 on: January 21, 2012, 04:47:15 AM » |
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What song do Chinese people sing at funeral wakes?
DON'T STOP BEREAVING!
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1899 on: January 21, 2012, 04:47:37 AM » |
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Parents who never thought things through when naming their child no. 97: Hugh Janus
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zakboy
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« Reply #1900 on: January 21, 2012, 04:48:28 AM » |
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My wife would make a good burglar.
Her ar-e would rub her footprints out.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1901 on: January 21, 2012, 04:51:34 AM » |
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I told my mum i was pregnant today,she began shouting at me.
" what ! Did I tell you that if a boy touches your Boobs , say "Dont" ? And If He Touches your Private Part , say "Stop" ?
She was fuming when i told her
"Well he was touching both parts at once so i was yelling "Dont Stop" Dont Stop"...
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1902 on: January 21, 2012, 04:57:56 AM » |
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I got sacked on my first night as a blackjack dealer at the Casino.
A drunk women sat at my table looked me in the eyes and said, "Go on, hit me!"...
I wasn't to know, she was talking about the cards.
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Shafty
Full Member
Karma: 10
Posts: 132
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« Reply #1903 on: January 22, 2012, 12:07:09 AM » |
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Q. Did you hear about the new "divorced" Barbie doll that they're selling in stores now?
A. It comes with all of Ken's stuff.
Q. Why did the Leper go back into the shower?
A. He forgot his Head and Shoulders.
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Little Billy came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Billy said, "Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"
His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."
"Gee Dad that's great," said little Billy. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"
"What do you mean?" said Dad.
"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, "Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"
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Today I shall be mostly eating Jaffa Cakes.
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zakboy
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« Reply #1904 on: January 22, 2012, 03:37:52 PM » |
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