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zakboy
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« Reply #1785 on: January 15, 2012, 04:39:26 AM » |
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I was feeling lonely last night so I went to the pub and drank pint after pint to drown my sorrows.
I eventually decided to go home and on the way out guess who I bumped into?
Fu-king everybody.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1786 on: January 15, 2012, 04:51:39 AM » |
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My wife asked me today,
"Can I go on top tonight then dave?", she winked.
"p-ss off", I said.
"The bunkbeds were my idea."
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1787 on: January 15, 2012, 04:56:11 AM » |
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paddy said to murphy so the world going to end in december then, murphy says it must be because my calender runs out then
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1788 on: January 15, 2012, 04:56:53 AM » |
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I answered the front door earlier,and my Mother in Law asked.."I've had a powercut,can I stay here for a few days?"
"Of course you can!" I said,slamming the door.......
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zakboy
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« Reply #1789 on: January 15, 2012, 04:58:45 AM » |
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I'm part of the Warburtons family because I'm inter-bread.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1790 on: January 15, 2012, 04:59:16 AM » |
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new religious gym opening in town called.....
Jehovah fitness.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1791 on: January 15, 2012, 05:00:02 AM » |
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Avoid drink driving... Freeze the beer and eat it
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1792 on: January 15, 2012, 05:01:43 AM » |
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"I'm leaving you because of your obsession with dirty underwear", shouted my wife as she wheelspinned away in our car.
She left behind some awesome skidmarks.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1793 on: January 15, 2012, 05:03:51 AM » |
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Why does the new Italian navy have glass bottomed ships?
So they can avoid the old Italian navy.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1794 on: January 15, 2012, 05:06:30 AM » |
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As i was walking through town with my wife, i saw Heskey and i saw my opportunity.
"Hey Emile," i said raising my arm for a high five. resulting in him slapping the missus' down to the ground
after buckling over in a fit of laughter i said "nice one mate" and went to shake his hand
"no problem bud" he said, poking me in the eyes
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1795 on: January 15, 2012, 05:08:15 AM » |
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I went to the high street with my wife yesterday.
She said, "I'm just going into this shop, hopefully I will come out with something nice for tonight."
I said, "Ok, I'll do the same in the shop next door, hopefully I will come out with something nice for tonight too."
"That's a wine bar" she replied.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1796 on: January 15, 2012, 05:25:04 AM » |
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The doomed Russian satellite Phobos-Grunt is due to crash to Earth today. A spokesman for the Russian space agency said that there was little chance that it would make a direct hit on a populated area, but just to be on the safe side, they have re-named it Emile-Heskey
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zakboy
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« Reply #1797 on: January 15, 2012, 05:31:35 AM » |
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A man was driving down an Alaskan road and his car broke down. He phoned the Alaskan Mobile Fixit Service and they arrived shortly after. The service man opened the bonnet and after a while the repair man said " It looks like you've blown a seal ", the man replies "No, it's just frost on my moustache."
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zakboy
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« Reply #1798 on: January 15, 2012, 05:35:12 AM » |
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It takes balls to admit when your wrong!
Probably the reason Women can't
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zakboy
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« Reply #1799 on: January 15, 2012, 05:37:34 AM » |
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After recent refereeing decisions have gone against Spurs, they've made an inquiry as to whether Manchester United referee Howard Webb is for sale.
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