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zakboy
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« Reply #2085 on: February 01, 2012, 08:06:48 PM » |
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My car wouldn't start this morning due to the cold weather.
So I phoned up the AA and said "My car wont' start this morning so I'm going back on the drink"
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2086 on: February 01, 2012, 08:12:13 PM » |
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Don't you just hate it when women get so angry on their periods,
it's just an ovary action.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2087 on: February 01, 2012, 08:13:11 PM » |
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What does Katie Price and a garden pond have in common?
You can fall in them both.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2088 on: February 01, 2012, 08:16:33 PM » |
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I hear the Netherlands make a great sauce to go with my Eggs Benedict, so this summer im going there for my Hollandaise
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2089 on: February 01, 2012, 08:18:55 PM » |
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As the naked girl gently lowered herself over me, she farted. Then out popped a tiny pebble of brown turd onto my chest. My heart beating faster and faster with every breath, as she turned to me and smiled.
It was then I knew....
It was love at first s**te.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2090 on: February 01, 2012, 08:20:00 PM » |
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Who said men can't multi-task i always picture its my wife sister instead of her when we're having sex.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2091 on: February 01, 2012, 08:22:33 PM » |
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Alcohol makes you indifferent to everything, but I don't give a fu-k.
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zakboy
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« Reply #2092 on: February 01, 2012, 11:26:36 PM » |
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My wife said she was leaving me because I've 'never gotten over losing my job as a film critic.'
I said "Well with its adequate runtime this marriage was just about bearable. Although the love scenes were unconvincing and I would've preferred a bit more boob."
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zakboy
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« Reply #2093 on: February 01, 2012, 11:27:17 PM » |
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I dropped my glasses down the toilet.
I couldn't see sh-t
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2094 on: February 01, 2012, 11:28:39 PM » |
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Today is 1.2.12.
Or as its more commonly known; annual microphone testing day.
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zakboy
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« Reply #2095 on: February 01, 2012, 11:31:00 PM » |
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Back in the day why did the American gays vote for president Clinton?
They preferred an ars-hole to a Bush!
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2096 on: February 01, 2012, 11:34:34 PM » |
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Flabbergasted to discover that there are 'GCSE's' in 'nail technology'. Having studied their lengths and steel content what more is there?
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zakboy
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« Reply #2097 on: February 01, 2012, 11:39:18 PM » |
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Manchester City have signed David Pizarro on loan, as they have only won three of their last nine games.
He's not the first Chilean to see his team stuck in a hole.
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zakboy
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« Reply #2098 on: February 01, 2012, 11:42:23 PM » |
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I asked my sister "Would you kill yourself if your husband died?"
"Only if he didn't have life insurance" she replied.
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zakboy
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« Reply #2099 on: February 03, 2012, 07:40:41 PM » |
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Billy McNeill was a guest of Craig Whytes at Ibrox last weekend. In the hospitality lounge after the game, Ally McCoist asked Billy "how d'you think the current Rangers team would fare against the Lisbon Lions of 1967?" Billy replies, "I think it'd be a close run thing, maybe a draw". Ally walks away feeling very pleased with himself, when Billy shouts across the room, "mind you we haven't trained in 30 years!"
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