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bitzman5
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« Reply #2040 on: January 29, 2012, 09:51:49 PM » |
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A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father,
'Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?
The father, surprised, answers,
'Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs:
In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and firm.
In her 30's to 40's, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After 50, they are like onions'.
'Onions?'
'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said,
'Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?..
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers,
'Well dear, a man goes through three phases.
In his 20's, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.
In his 30's and 40's, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable.
After his 50's, it is like a Christmas Tree.'
'A Christmas tree?'
'Yes - the tree is dead and the balls are just for decoration.'****
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May your gardian angel fly faster than you can ride
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zakboy
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« Reply #2041 on: January 29, 2012, 09:54:40 PM » |
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2042 on: January 29, 2012, 10:11:24 PM » |
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What's the fastest way to get off an Italian cruise ship? - Follow the captain
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2043 on: January 29, 2012, 10:18:13 PM » |
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I went for an Interview at my local Council as a dog sh-t collector in my local park, I said to the interviewer" I am not sure I can do it.", He replied " Don't worry, You will pick it up as you go along."
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2044 on: January 29, 2012, 10:18:45 PM » |
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Why wouldn't you let a Villa player take your dog for a walk? Because they can't hold on to a lead.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2045 on: January 30, 2012, 02:07:34 AM » |
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As I nervously opened my legs for the gynecologist, I prayed to god that I was with child.
"You're not pregnant." He said.
"How can you be so sure?" I replied crestfallen, "You haven't properly examined me..."
"No, but I think my guess is accurate now that I've seen your d-ck sir."
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2046 on: January 30, 2012, 02:08:30 AM » |
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I went on a date with a blind girl last night.
She said that it was boring and by far the worst date that she's ever been on.
f**k knows where I went wrong, perhaps she just isn't a big fan of silent movies.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2047 on: January 30, 2012, 02:11:41 AM » |
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BBC News: Teenage girl dies in rail crossing accident.
Her parents are quoted as saying that she was a good girl, But had recently gone of the rails.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2048 on: January 30, 2012, 02:12:16 AM » |
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It's always good to hear that famous people are nice.
Like the composer, John Williams, for instance. Everyone who's met him says what a sound guy he is...
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2049 on: January 30, 2012, 02:13:41 AM » |
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I went to the doctors today and he asked for a sample of my urine, semen and stools.
I was in a bit of a rush so i just left him my boxers.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2050 on: January 30, 2012, 02:19:30 AM » |
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Aston Villa fans were complaining today after their coach driver wouldn't leave 15 minutes early.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2051 on: January 30, 2012, 02:23:51 AM » |
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After recent events, a reporter asks Andy Carrol if he would like to see some changes at Anfield.
He answers. " Yeah, I would like to see few extra metres between the goal posts."
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2052 on: January 30, 2012, 02:50:53 PM » |
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I had one of those calls yesterday where they want to know all about your accident.
They were a bit confused when I put my son on the phone.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2053 on: January 30, 2012, 02:54:06 PM » |
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Last night, our son came up to our room and asked if he could sleep in our bed because he was afraid of the monster in his closet.
It's already the third time this week, I hope his girlfriend doesn't mind.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2054 on: January 30, 2012, 02:57:55 PM » |
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The smart phone will no longer be technology just for the young, this new one has an extra large display, extra large icons on the touch screen and extra loud sound mode... Ladies and gentlemen, I present the all new Elderberry!
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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