|
zakboy
|
 |
« Reply #1950 on: January 25, 2012, 03:53:12 PM » |
|
Whenever I cuddle my girlfriend it reminds me of a song by U2.
Trying to throw your arms around the world.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
|
|
|
|
zakboy
|
|
« Reply #1951 on: January 25, 2012, 03:54:58 PM » |
|
I bet Lionel Ritchie has fun with missing persons ads.
'999 what is your emergency'
'Hello....Is it me you're looking for?'
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
|
|
|
|
zakboy
|
|
« Reply #1952 on: January 25, 2012, 03:57:38 PM » |
|
The traditional Haggis recipe is quite simple.
1) Turn a sheep inside out.
2) Cook.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
|
|
|
|
zakboy
|
|
« Reply #1953 on: January 25, 2012, 03:59:27 PM » |
|
Merseyside Police have stressed they will take action over any inappropriate remarks and behaviour at Saturday's FA Cup tie between Liverpool and Manchester United. Looks like Luis Suarez will have a night in the cells then!
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
|
|
|
|
zakboy
|
|
« Reply #1954 on: January 25, 2012, 04:01:24 PM » |
|
The NHS have announced that they will now remove PIP implant's free of charge for high risk patients.
They have also said "Could OAP's with 'hip' replacements stop calling."
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
|
|
|
|
zakboy
|
|
« Reply #1955 on: January 25, 2012, 04:04:43 PM » |
|
They say if you are dying of thirst in the desert you have to resort to drinking p-ss
I thought to myself , who would bring Fosters whilst trekking through the desert?
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
|
|
|
|
zakboy
|
|
« Reply #1956 on: January 25, 2012, 04:06:01 PM » |
|
Members of the Manchester United supporters club have been invited to Liverpool FC's end of season party. Dress code is strictly 70's and 80's style only. Free bar, however terms and conditions apply. Only Bitters available, no doubles or trebles. Also drinks will be served in small glasses as no cups are available. Kenny Dalglish will be providing entertainment with his famous party trick; making £100 million disappear into thin air with nothing to show for it.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
|
|
|
|
zakboy
|
|
« Reply #1957 on: January 25, 2012, 04:07:09 PM » |
|
What's a lesbian's favourite make of radio?
Bush.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
|
|
|
|
zakboy
|
|
« Reply #1958 on: January 25, 2012, 04:10:05 PM » |
|
The pakistani boss at work called us all into a meeting and said "This year I am going to try and raise as much money for charity as I can, do you have any suggestions?" I said "I will sponsor you to shave that novelty mustache off, you've had it for ages".....needless to say, she sacked me on the spot
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
|
|
|
|
zakboy
|
|
« Reply #1959 on: January 25, 2012, 04:17:19 PM » |
|
Have you noticed that a woman's Ugly Score is inversely proportional to the wealth of her husband?
Oops sorry, I forgot about Camilla
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
|
|
|
|
zakboy
|
|
« Reply #1960 on: January 25, 2012, 06:44:19 PM » |
|
Emile Heskey is said to be leaving Aston Villa in the summer on a free transfer, and they've already found his replacement.
They will now be using an electric blanket to warm the bench.
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
|
|
|
|
zakboy
|
|
« Reply #1961 on: January 25, 2012, 06:48:10 PM » |
|
At Luis Suarez' birthday party last night they had to abandon pin the tail on the donkey. Andy Carroll was losing too much blood
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
|
|
|
Shafty
Full Member
Karma: 10
Posts: 132
|
|
« Reply #1962 on: January 25, 2012, 09:27:08 PM » |
|
A man walked into a bar with his pet monkey. The bartender said, "You can't bring that monkey in here!" The man replied, "Don't worry, he won't cause any trouble." Within seconds the monkey jumped on the pool table and swallowed the cue ball. The bartender yelled, "Hey, he just ate my cue ball. No one can play pool anymore! Get out!" So the monkey and the man left. The man left but came back one week later with his monkey. He apologized to the bartender and promised no more trouble. The bartender let him and the monkey stay. Later that night, the monkey walked over to a bowl of grapes, put one in his ass, and then ate it. The bartender said, "That's disgusting! Why did he do that!" The man said, "Since he swallowed the cue ball, he sizes everything up before he eats it."  |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Today I shall be mostly eating Jaffa Cakes.
|
|
|
Shafty
Full Member
Karma: 10
Posts: 132
|
|
« Reply #1963 on: January 25, 2012, 09:30:54 PM » |
|
A trucker picks up a hitchhiker who climbs up in the cab and notices a monkey on the dashboard. After a few miles he asks the driver what the monkey is for. The driver says "I'll show you" and with that he hits the monkey with the back of his hand, sending the poor creature rolling across the dash. The monkey goes down between the drivers legs, unzips his pants, pulls out his c#@k and proceeds to give the trucker head. When finished ,the monkey pulls out a tissue, cleans the driver up, puts everything back and jumps back up on the dashboard. "See that" said the trucker. The man said "Yeah". The trucker ask the man "You want to try it?" The man said "OK, but don't hit me as hard as you hit that monkey!" |
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Today I shall be mostly eating Jaffa Cakes.
|
|
|
|
zakboy
|
|
« Reply #1964 on: January 25, 2012, 10:08:00 PM » |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Logged
|
Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
|
|
|
|
