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hunter
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« Reply #1755 on: January 14, 2012, 10:21:26 PM » |
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"Here boy" he replies.
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zakboy
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« Reply #1756 on: January 15, 2012, 04:00:42 AM » |
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 wonder where the punch line was
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1757 on: January 15, 2012, 04:01:07 AM » |
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If the end of the world is in December...
...does that mean I can stop using a condom in April?
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1758 on: January 15, 2012, 04:02:14 AM » |
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I've just been to the doctor's. I said, "Every morning I get on the computer and start downloading information about all sorts of mental illnesses and then, at night, I delete it all and start again the next morning. It's become an addiction."
The doctor asked, "Do you have any history of mental illness?"
I said, "No, I deleted it last night."
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1759 on: January 15, 2012, 04:03:31 AM » |
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A policeman knocked on my door this morning.
He said, "Where were you between 9pm and 9:30pm last night?"
I said, "I was at the pub arguing with my wife on the phone. She wanted me home by 10 and I told her no, I'm having a drink with my mates and I'll be in when I want."
"Anybody back you up on that?" he asked.
I said, "No, they all just told me that I should go home."
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1760 on: January 15, 2012, 04:05:17 AM » |
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I recently read an Independent article on "Why men don't fancy funny women."
It's because there aren't any.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1761 on: January 15, 2012, 04:06:12 AM » |
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I just went to buy a car with the wife and kids.
The salesman told me to fu-k off.. It was cash or nothing.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1762 on: January 15, 2012, 04:07:49 AM » |
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The Italian army has been called in to help with the people from the grounded cruise ship. But they have now swapped sides and have declared war on the survivors.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1763 on: January 15, 2012, 04:08:27 AM » |
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I dedicate my life to fighting poverty
This morning I punched a Tramp.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1764 on: January 15, 2012, 04:10:06 AM » |
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82,597 people got married last year. Is it just me or should that be an even number?
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1765 on: January 15, 2012, 04:12:20 AM » |
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I was having sex with this tart in work the other day when i got caught. I no longer have my job at the bakery.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1766 on: January 15, 2012, 04:13:52 AM » |
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Failed Russian space probe plunging back to Earth"
As successful Russian missile.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1767 on: January 15, 2012, 04:15:33 AM » |
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I was branded insensitive the other day.
My friend had a heart attack at a party we were at. We were all taken by surprise, and I dialled the paramedics as quickly as I could.
As his wife knelt by his side, she was frantically screaming "How long is the fu-king ambulance going to be!?"
"About eighteen feet" is apparently not the answer she was looking for.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1768 on: January 15, 2012, 04:19:47 AM » |
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I can't believe how much my wife spends on cosmetics.
Why can't she just use PhotoShop?
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1769 on: January 15, 2012, 04:21:13 AM » |
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It's true that Geordies have a reputation of being particularly tough. I just moved to the south after living in Newcastle for over thirty years and already people are calling me 'reet hard'.
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