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zakboy
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« Reply #1740 on: January 13, 2012, 03:40:18 PM » |
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I got stopped by a woman in the street today.She said, "Excuse me, sir, have you had an accident in the last three years that wasn't your fault?"I said, "Yes, hes nearly 2 now."
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1741 on: January 13, 2012, 03:40:48 PM » |
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Just had a whopper in burger king.
Took two flushes to get rid of it.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1742 on: January 13, 2012, 03:41:32 PM » |
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an Orphan walks into a bar, and says "I'd like a pint of fosters, please."
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1743 on: January 13, 2012, 03:42:47 PM » |
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I was driving around a parking lot for ages today, in search of an available space. There was nothing. Then I noticed a couple walking ahead of me, so I called out to them
"Going out?", I asked,
"No," said the man."Just friends."
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1744 on: January 13, 2012, 03:44:14 PM » |
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In school the teacher asked me "can you tell me the name of 3 great kings who have brought happiness and peace into people's lives?"
I said, Drin-king, smo-king, and fu--king.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1745 on: January 13, 2012, 03:45:17 PM » |
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Life insurance for cats Offer.
Buy 2, get 7 free.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1746 on: January 13, 2012, 03:48:07 PM » |
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I was going to post a joke about dominant women, but my wife wouldn't let me.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1747 on: January 13, 2012, 05:07:59 PM » |
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Just seen the news about the US marines pis-ing on those taliban lads. It's fu-king disgusting. Out of all four you would have at least thought one of them would have needed a sh-t.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1748 on: January 13, 2012, 08:50:44 PM » |
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The owner of Odeon cinemas has died, his funeral will be on Monday at 2:10, 6:15 and 20:30
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1749 on: January 13, 2012, 08:57:22 PM » |
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I was watching Eastenders with my little lad when he asked, "Dad, is Pat Butcher really in that coffin?"
What a silly tw-t.
He could see that there was only six pallbearers.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1750 on: January 13, 2012, 09:01:56 PM » |
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I went to visit my Grandad's new care home. The resident nurse let slip that they drop Viagra into the old fellas cocoa every night.
I said "are they all having sex in here?"
She said " No, its just to stop the old buggers rolling out of bed"
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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hunter
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« Reply #1751 on: January 14, 2012, 09:29:18 PM » |
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Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".
Paddy spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
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hunter
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« Reply #1752 on: January 14, 2012, 09:30:20 PM » |
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Paddy shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No", shouts Paddy, "this is her husband!"
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hunter
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« Reply #1753 on: January 14, 2012, 09:31:07 PM » |
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An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable.
His wife says "Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
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spanners
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« Reply #1754 on: January 14, 2012, 10:06:08 PM » |
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LIVE FAST and DIE YOUNG,, past 50 AND STILL HERE NOW. WAITING. FOR. THE. GRIM. REAPER
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