paddy & murphy

[zakboy]

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office,
but she belonged to someone else...


One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to
her and said, "I'll give you a £100 if you let me
have sex with you. But the girl said NO.


Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on
the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the
time you pick it up. "


She thought for a moment and said that she would have
to consult her boyfriend... So she called her
boyfriend and told him the story.


Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for £200, pick up the
money very fast, he won't even be able to get his
pants down."


So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour
goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his
girlfriend to call.


Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and
asks what happened.

She responded, "The bas-ard used coins!"


Management lesson:

Always consider a business proposal in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting screwed!

[zakboy]

AN EARTHQUAKE HITS WEST BROM
By R.E.Porter

An earthquake hit West brom on September 23, 2002. The epicentre was Stone cross. Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering "fuc-ing hell", "boll-cks" and "where's me fags". The earthquake decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of momentoes from Blackpool and Skegness were damaged beyond repair and three preserved areas of historic burned out cars were destroyed.

Many locals were woken well before their Giro arrived and hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered that something interesting happened in Stone cross. One resident, Tracy Delores Smith, a 15-year-old single mother of five said, "It was a shock, my little Chardonay Mercedes came running into my bedroom crying and my hands were shaking that much I could hardly skin up whilst I was watching Trisha. My youngest two, Tyler Morgan and Megan Storm, slept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Kilroy the next morning."

Adam, who lives a few doors away said, "After a heavy weekend, my girlfriend and I were heavily asleep when the earthquake struck. I remember waking up but soon returned to sleep. In the morning we discussed it in bed and both agreed it was the washing machine." Two joyriders complained, "We've never been so terrified... we called the police but they said there was nothing they could do. Why do we pay our taxes?"

Apparently though, looting, mugging and car crime carried on as normal. The British Red Cross have so far managed to ship 4000 crates of Sunny Delight to the area to help stricken locals. Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large quantites of personal belongings, which include benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos and Bone China from Poundstretcher.

HOW YOU CAN HELP
The appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those unfortunate to be caught up in the disaster. Clothing is most sought after, items most needed include - Fila or Burberry baseball caps, Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers), Shell suits (female), white sport socks and Rockport boots and many other items sold by Matalan. Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same.

Required foodstuff include Microwave meals, tins of baked beans, ice-cream and cans of Fosters or Special Brew. Monetary donations are also welcome. 22p buys a biro for filling in compensation forms. £2.00 buys chips, crisps and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9 and £5.00 will pay for a packet of B&H and a lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

For £20, a fake M.O.T can be bought (or 10 gallons of red diesel to burn the vehicle out) and £26.00 is enough for 200 Regal from Tommo who has just got back from Kavos. Please don't send tents, as the sight of posh housing will upset residents in neighbouring areas. All items of property, lost during the earthquake, can be bought at Happy shopper  which is open 24/7

[kevsky]

Zakboy tonight sir you have surpassed yourself you have insulted so many different types of people in one short out burst that the great Bernard Manning would be impressed
royalists,stustststuterers,speech therapists ,japanese ,hells grannies ,chavs ,alcoholics ,smokers ,campers and shopkeepers
where do get the energy from

[kevsky]

True tale about stuttering
used to really good mates with a lad called jeffry at school and he had a massive problem with his speech but he never let it get him down
once he'd been off school for a while and when I asked him why  he said "I've had chir chir chir chir MEASLES"
sure he neant chickenpox
Another time he's walking down the road with a load of fixhing gear strapped around his person and when I asked him  where he was going he said "I'm going fir fir fir fir fir fir f**k it I'll go to t'picture
WHERE HAVE ALL THE CHARACTERS LIKE HIM GONE

[JayJay]

AN EARTHQUAKE HITS WEST BROM
By R.E.Porter

Nothing wrong with Stone Cross - spent many an hour there in my younger days. Has changed a lot though, the milk bar has gone but I am pretty sure the biker's club is still there.

[zakboy]

Indeed stone cross is a fine place,but it was pee the wife off day yesterday, my wife comes from there most of her family still live there. there is a stone cross mcc still going and the moonshiners mcc of west brom have been going for 30 years or so.

[JayJay]

You will have to PM me their names. I might even know them. Does she know Phil Shinton (Shinna). Most people do!  He was a mate. I spent many an hour in his weird and wonderful world.  I knew a lot of bikers from around there and Wolverhampton, especially at the Gifford.
I lived in Willenhall/Walsall but spent loads of time in Friar Park. I used to be a barmaid at the Dirty Duck in Walsall.  Oh happy days.
JJ 

[klogan45]

A red skinnedchino/japanesehungarianpolishukranianromancatholicprotestantchavbikerhinduwoman
transvestiteprostitutegaylesbianbornagainsatanistglaswegiancockneyirishwelshfranco/dutchitalian of non specific gender walks in to a chippy and says
"F-f-f-f-f-f-f##k it I'll have some chips please"

[klogan45]

I was in a really bad temper this morning, I mean really really bad temper. What did I do? I chucked a muslim in a big tub of bleach. That certainly lightened ma mood.

[klogan45]

Paddy and Murphey were out ski-ing. Paddy said when you ski from side to side it's called zig-zagging. Murphey said no it's not it's zag-zigging. They argued for quite a while when murphey say a bloke with a wooley hat. They decided to go and ask him who was correct.
Murphey said when you ski from side to side is it zig-zagging or zag-zigging? The bloke said I don't know, I'm a tobogganist. Paddy said thank christ for that can I have 20 embassy and a box of matches please.

[zakboy]

You will have to PM me their names. I might even know them. Does she know Phil Shinton (Shinna). Most people do!  He was a mate. I spent many an hour in his weird and wonderful world.  I knew a lot of bikers from around there and Wolverhampton, especially at the Gifford.
I lived in Willenhall/Walsall but spent loads of time in Friar Park. I used to be a barmaid at the Dirty Duck in Walsall.  Oh happy days.
JJ 

hi jj my wife as never been in to the biker scene,but the family name is larkin there are quite a few of them the family were split up as kids but some of them still live in the stone cross area one of the brothers as only found the rest of the family this year and lived in the same area not far from family members for years and did not know it.zak

[zakboy]

The inventor of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur,

"Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said,

"I want to hang out with God."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented,

"Okay, so you were the one who invented motorcycles, eh?!"

Arthur said, "Ya, that was me..."

God commented, "Well, what's the big deal of inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution, and can't run without a road?"

Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke,

"Excuse me but aren't you the inventor of woman???"

God said, "Ah, yes."

"Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional,

you have some major design flaws in your invention":

1. there’s too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds

3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust

5. And the maintenance costs are outrageous!!"

"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on."

God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.

The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur,

"but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours."

[zakboy]

Beer Warning To All Men

Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption,
considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.

The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women.

To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each.

It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight,

talked excessively without making sense,

became overly emotional,

couldn't drive,

failed to think rationally,

argued over nothing,

and refused to apologise when wrong.

No further testing is planned.

~~~~~~~

Two men are out just fishing quietly and drinking beer.

Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Peter says,

'I think I'm gonna divorce my wife.

She hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months.'

Colin continues slowly sipping his beer then thoughtfully says,

'You better think it over, Pete. Women like that are hard to find.'

~~~~~~~~~~

As a Hillbilly couple walk out of divorce court, the wife is cryin her heart out.

Her husband turns to her and says...


"Fer Pete's sake stop cryin Lilla... yer still my sister."

[zakboy]

A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago.

The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked,

"If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats,

why don't big planes have baby planes?"

The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess.

So the boy asked the stewardess,

"If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats,

why don't big planes have baby planes?"

The stewardess responded,

"Did your mother tell you to ask me?"

The boy admitted that this was the case.

"Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time.

Your mother can explain that to you."

~~~~~~~~~

A blonde desperately needed some money, so she decided to kidnap someone.

So she went to the park and she grabbed this kid.

Then she wrote a note saying,

"If you ever want to see your child again,

leave 10,000 dollars in a paper bag in the northwest corner of the park."

then she signed it 'THE BLONDE' and told the kid to give it to his mom.

The next day she went to the northwest corner of the park and got the paper bag.

It had the money in it and a note from the mother that said,

"How could you do this to another blonde?"

[zakboy]

A major International company was looking to hire someone for an
important position, so they interviewed dozens of applicants and
narrowed their search down to three people from different parts of
the
world. In an attempt to pick one of them, they decided to give them
all the same question to answer within 24 hours, and the one with
the
best answer would get the job.
The question was: A man and a woman are in bed, nude. The woman is
lying on her side with her back facing the man, and the man is
lying
on his side facing the woman's back. What is the man's name?
After the 24 hours was up, the three were brought in to give their
answers.

The first, from USA , says 'My answer is, there IS no answer.'

The second, from England , says 'My answer is that there is no way
to
determine the answer with the information we were given.'

The third one, from Scotland , says 'I'm not exactly sure, but I
have
it narrowed down to two names.
It's either: Willie Turner or Willie Nailer.'
The Scotsman got the job