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zakboy
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« Reply #2460 on: April 03, 2012, 02:45:33 PM » |
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Even as a Head Teacher I have always got mixed up with certain words like 'camel' and 'mistle' so surely I had a good excuse at the Nativity Play when I meant to ask the gorgeous young trainee teacher if I could kiss her under the Mistletoe. However, I must have got a bit jumbled up as I stared at her crotch in tight trousers and said "Could I kiss you under the camel toe?"
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zakboy
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« Reply #2461 on: April 03, 2012, 02:49:42 PM » |
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As I passed a Police officer last night he said:
"Do me a favour? See if you can get me backup."
"Ok, I'll give it a go" I said, "You're an ugly tw*t and everyone at the station's sha*ged your missus."
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zakboy
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« Reply #2462 on: April 03, 2012, 02:53:34 PM » |
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After selling a dodgy watch to a guy in the market, he asked, "Does this come with a warranty?"
"Of course, if it ever stops working, just give me a call....and I'll tell you what time it is."
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zakboy
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« Reply #2463 on: April 03, 2012, 06:52:31 PM » |
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I use comedy as a defence mechanism...
A bit like Kenny Dalglish.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2464 on: April 03, 2012, 07:02:45 PM » |
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People say Andy Carroll couldn't hit water if he fell out of a boat.
I don't think that's true-Look at all the diving practise he's had.
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zakboy
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« Reply #2465 on: April 03, 2012, 07:45:51 PM » |
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I wouldn't say my wife has a big nose.
But today she pulled a hair out of it and it ran off across the fields.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2466 on: April 03, 2012, 07:47:35 PM » |
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My son ran into the house, ''Guess what dad, I grabbed my first boob today?''
I replied ''Is that why you've got a black eye?''
''Yeah!'' He replied, ''Apparently big Tommy is a bit touchy about his weight.''
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one arm bandit
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« Reply #2467 on: April 03, 2012, 07:56:09 PM » |
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man went to the doctor "doctor doctor ive been raped by an elephant with shock the doctor said "reallly pull down your trousers and ile take a look" so the man drops them and bends over "f**k me" said the doctor "its made one hell of a mess,,i didnt think an elephants cock was that big" the man with tears in his eyes said" there not doctor there not" but....... he fingered me first"  |
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zakboy
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« Reply #2468 on: April 03, 2012, 07:57:49 PM » |
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zakboy
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« Reply #2469 on: April 03, 2012, 07:58:14 PM » |
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I'm sure my mates like me but sometimes I don't understand them.
Like, just this morning I looked in the mirror and they had written 'TNUC' on my forehead.
What does that mean?
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zakboy
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« Reply #2470 on: April 05, 2012, 02:26:55 PM » |
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I've just had to take my son's shi*ty nappy off.
I don't know why I tried it on in the first place.
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zakboy
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« Reply #2471 on: April 05, 2012, 02:27:31 PM » |
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I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married. I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that number be an even number?
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2472 on: April 05, 2012, 02:28:39 PM » |
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Asda: How would you like £5 off a £40 shop? Just spend £40 & we will give you a voucher for £5 off your next £40 shop.
Surely that's £5 off an £80 shop?
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2473 on: April 05, 2012, 02:34:15 PM » |
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BBC news - hosepipe ban not affecting areas including Birmingham, Bradford, Leicester or Oldham.
Gee, I wonder why.....
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zakboy
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« Reply #2474 on: April 05, 2012, 02:42:17 PM » |
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My mate hates boy bands...... ever since I punched him in the face and said, "Take That!"
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