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zakboy
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« Reply #2055 on: January 30, 2012, 03:01:10 PM » |
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give a politition viagra and he gets taller
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2056 on: January 30, 2012, 03:02:42 PM » |
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Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore... a friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2057 on: January 30, 2012, 03:03:33 PM » |
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I caused a bit of a stink in Tesco yesterday when my bag split open and the contents spilled all over the aisle.
To be fair, it was my colostomy bag.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2058 on: January 30, 2012, 03:04:10 PM » |
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I've had a tattoo done of Osama Bin Laden just above my left hand.
I call it my terrorwrist.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2059 on: January 30, 2012, 03:05:38 PM » |
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I really believe that David de Gea can still help Manchester United win the league
If Fergie sells him to Manchester City
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2060 on: January 30, 2012, 03:09:21 PM » |
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I was flicking through youtube videos in my bedroom last night when I accidentally clicked on gerri halliwell's video of 'it's raining men'.
As i was recoiling in shear horror to get away from the ghastly images on the screen I tripped and fell out the nearby window.Â
I plummeted 3 story's before landing on my head.
After 35 hours of surgery the doctor came into my bed were I was resting and told me I was lucky to be alive.
"Tell me about it" i said.
"Thank God that window was open".
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2061 on: January 30, 2012, 03:12:17 PM » |
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There is an Asian girl in my office who is always turning everything into a drama.
Personally, I just think she is an attention sikh her.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2062 on: January 30, 2012, 03:13:20 PM » |
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I used to think age brought wisdom. Now I know you just end up a more experienced idiot.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2063 on: January 30, 2012, 05:19:03 PM » |
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After a night of drink, drugs & wild sex. Tom woke to find himself next to the ugliest woman he'd ever seen. Thats when he realised he'd made it home safely
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #2064 on: January 30, 2012, 05:21:36 PM » |
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What do you get if you cross Bradford with a bucket of fried chicken?
Followed.
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zakboy
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« Reply #2065 on: January 30, 2012, 09:01:04 PM » |
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So the story alledgedly has it, about 35
years ago a young snooker enthusiast named
Steve Davis got married.
On their honeymoon night they were stripped
off, she was on the bed on all fours, and he
was at the foot of the bed. He was bending
down with one eye shut and squinting, whilsy
rubbing chalk on the end of his erect
todger.............."What are you doing
Steve," she exclaimed.................
...."OH, I`m just deciding whether to go for
the pink or the brown"......
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zakboy
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« Reply #2066 on: January 30, 2012, 09:04:05 PM » |
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A 62 year old woman comes back home from the
doctors where she`d had a full check up.
She tells her husband very enthusiasticaly
that the doc said for a 62year old she was
fantastic....Husband grimaces....he said my
heart and lungs were spot on..and for a 62
yearold I looked wonderfull. My hair was in
great condition....OH YES....and my eyes were
superb with a lovely sparkle....MMMMM
....my hearing was acute and my ears were
devine.....oh `AR....and for a 62 year old my
skin was so lovely and soft and smoothe
.......GGggr ...yeh....my joints and bones
are terrific.....Yeahhh....my 62 year old
nails are immaculate......
....OH YEAH, and what did he say about your
62 year old tw-t D`Ya know luv, he never mentioned you.
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zakboy
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« Reply #2067 on: January 30, 2012, 09:05:48 PM » |
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A man calls emergency:
- Come immediately, my little son has
swallowed a condom!
After five minutes, the same man calls back:
- It is OK, I found another one.
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zakboy
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« Reply #2068 on: January 30, 2012, 09:10:03 PM » |
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A man went to the Police Station wishing to
speak with the burglar who had broken into
his house the night before. "You'll get your
chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant.
"No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know
how he got into the house without waking my
wife.
I've been trying to do that for years!
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zakboy
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« Reply #2069 on: January 30, 2012, 09:12:04 PM » |
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A retired gentleman went to the social
security office to apply for Social Security.
The woman behind the counter asked him for
his driver's license to verify his age. He
looked in his pockets and realized he had
left his wallet at home.
He told the woman that he was very sorry but
he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I
will have to go home and come back later."
The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt."
So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver
hair.
She says, "That silver hair on your chest is
proof enough for me" and she processed his
Social Security application.
When he gets home, the man excitedly tells
his wife about his experience at the social
security office.
She says, "You should have dropped your
pants. You might have gotten disability too."
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