Letter to god

[BikerGran]

 
There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.
 
One day just before Christmas, a letter landed on his desk, simply addressed in shaky handwriting to "God".  With no other clue on the envelope, he opened the letter and read, "Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow living on the State pension. Yesterday someone stole my purse. It had £100 in it, which was all the money I had in the world and no pension due until after
Christmas.
 
Next week is Christmas and I had invited two of my friends over for Xmas dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. God; can you please help me?"
 
The postal worker was really touched, and put a copy of the letter up on the Staff Notice board, at the main sorting office where he worked.
 
The letter touched the other postmen and they all dug into their pockets and had a whip round. Between them they raised £96.
 
Using an official franked Post Office envelope, they sent the cash on to the old lady, and for the rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of the nice thing they had done.
 
Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter simply addressed to "God" landed in the Sorting Office. Many of the postmen gathered around while the letter was opened.
 
It read, "Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your generosity, I was able to provide a lovely dinner for my friends. We had a very nice day, and I told my friends of your wonderful gift - in fact we haven't gotten over it and our Vicar is beside himself with joy.
 
By the way, there was £4 missing. I think it must have been those thieving toads at the Post Office...................

[Urban Terrorist]

 

[Manky Monkey]

Ha ha! Yup, sounds about right.You should see some of the illegible & incomplete addresses we get at this time of year. People who obviously only write to their relatives once a year & can't remember where they live. Lost count of the number of "Joe Blogs, Basingstoke" cards we've had. Muppets, the lot of 'em. They're the types who ring up & complain when the things don't arrive the next day. We're miracle workers but we ain't psychic!

[flap]

Ungrateful old bag, she's to old and to stupid to put the correct address on the envelope. we have a whip round and all she does i complain. We know where she lives. She'll never get her post again. 




 

[Manky Monkey]

You think he's joking don't you!

[BikerGran]

How many house, in general, would a postie deliver to, on an urban round?

There's a reason for this question.........

[Urban Terrorist]

Going to upset you now, cos I can see why your asking this question, but father xmas isn't real. So you can't work out how many posties it would take to do the job once santa retires and the GPO take over

[Manky Monkey]

I deliver to 550 houses. Takes 3 1/2 hours at a brisk walking pace. I have up to 10 bags of mail, each weighing around 3 stone. A van driver drops me at the start of my delivery & picks me up at the other end. He delivers anything that's too big or heavy for me to carry & drops my other bags off at designated points along the route so as I finish one bag I pick up the next. If you ever notice those boxes, (often next to regular post boxes), that just have a locked door on the front, they're delivery bag boxes. Our wonderful bosses have a computer programme that tells then how long each round should take, but it doesn't allow for running up & down steps, opening & shutting gates, writing out the forms we leave when no-one's home etc. That Form, (a "739"),  has to be filled in, the parcel has to be endorsed & if it's a registered or recorded item, the book we collect the signature in has to be filled in as well. Usually, just as you finish writing, the householder will open the door! I deliver to Brookvale, an older area of Basingstoke, with lots of Victorian 2 up, 2 down terraced houses. They've got a blanket preservation order on them meaning the owners can't alter the exterior without permission so lots still have tiny Victorian letterboxes, the size of a matchbox. They're all owned either by little old ladies who spend their lives ordering stuff from the QVC shopping channel, or professional couples who buy everything over the internet. I often have to write out 739s for 3 or 4 houses in a row, which can add 20 minutes to my delivery time. This year the whole World seems to be ordering their Christmas on the 'net -& I'm delivering it all!
-So. What was your question?

[flap]

3 1/2 hours, brisk walking pace. Not me, 2 1/2 hours strolling about the town center chatting to all the pretty shop girls. 

[Urban Terrorist]

Yeah but they only talk to you cos they pity you

[Manky Monkey]

Yeah, what he said.

[flap]

The conversation usually goes something like, (me) Hello darlin' (shop girl) bog off perv or I'll call security.  

[Manky Monkey]

  Oh so depressingly true.

[Manky Monkey]

Right, I'm off out for the evening. Play nice while I'm gone.

[BikerGran]

I asked cos we got a Christmas card from our postie - that's never happened before, and there's no reason why he should single us out so I assumed he must have left one at every house on his round!

Then a couple of days later, I saw a small article in the local freebie paper about about an award for the best postie, so all was explained!