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Hagar
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« Reply #47 on: January 24, 2009, 10:47:48 PM » |
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Morning , just got out of the 'chokey' after a couple of days of free 'bed and board' coursity of the commandant . Firstly a bit of background to the events leading up to my 'incarcaration' ( its OK chaps , no need to go " OOOO !!! nasty !!! " , 'incarcaration' does not involve the 'removal' of anything but your liberty ) . Smudger , having had his 'faith in humanity' fully restored by Doris ' the tea Lady ' , had started work in the tunnel with renewed vigour , we had dug down about 25 feet and headed north , we estimated we were about 75 feet from the wire when we came upon what appeared to be a solid metal 'wall' , unpreturbed and buoyed up with one of Doris's "mystery meat" pies ( very nice , but nobody can quite place the taste ) and unable to even scratch the metal with the desert spoon he had been digging with Smudger said " ok we'll dig round the bugger " , so we 'chucked a left' and followed the wall along looking for the end , after about 15 odd feet the wall started to curve away and we decided it must be some sort of very large cylinder , we retreated back down the tunnel to our hut to decide what our next move would be .. and to finish off the last of Doris's pie . We concluded it must be a very large unexploded bomb , Pongo said just going by the part we had uncovered it was far too big for a bomb , but he would go and see his 'aircrew' chums in one of the other huts and see if they knew of anything that would account for what we had found , Smudger said he would go and see Doris .. as she had been round here for quite awhile , and see if she remembers a raid or crash of some sort , it was decided they would be back in an hour and then we would go and see the C.O. and tell him what we have found .
The time like one of Doris's pies passed slowly .............
Pongo was the first to return , his 'aircrew ' mates had said that a chap named "Wallis" had been working on some big stuff but not as big as we had described , and maybe it was one of "theirs" ... , then in staggered Smudger sporting a very fetching home made " Davy Crockett " hat that Doris had given him for " services rendered " ( never seen a " black and brown " one though ), ... after taking a minute to catch his breath ... Smudger told us Doris had not heard of any raids or crashes in this area , but that the camp had been built on the edge of a cleared section of forest just outside the village , she said that some of the older villagers refused to go into the forest as it was said to be haunted and strange lights and noises were often seen and heard , there was also a rumour that during the building of the camp a couple of the engineers left to guard the site one night , were found in a tool shed shaking uncontrollably and unable to speak , this had been put down to the locally brewed " turnip schnapps " by their company commander , the villagers said they knew better , crossed themselves and muttered that the engineers had " seen things not meant for the eyes of man " , Doris said that since then she always closes the curtains when she takes a bath .
The C.O. agreed with Pongo that this was not one of "ours" , he thought it could be one of their " Great mono-testicled Leaders " much promised " Vergeltungswaffen " , he said we need to get as much info on this thing as we can and get that info back to the ' boffins in blighty ' , to this end he put "Tiny" Robinson and a crew of diggers from hut 4 on the job , "Tiny" and his mate "Phil the shovel" are the best in the bussiness and dug out a sort of cave round the cylinder , and within three days they had uncovered the whole thing , the cylinder was laying on its side and about 45 feet long and 10 feet high , round at both ends with a square hatch of some sort in the side , apart from the hatch it seemed to be a one piece construction and we could find no rivets or joins of any kind , the C.O. ordered photographs and some metal shavings be taken , the dark grey object proved to be very photogenic but all attempts to get metal shavings have proved to be as fruitless as one of Doris's apple turnovers , the sharpest chisel being blunted after a couple of blows and causing the cylinder to make a low ringing noise like a broken bell .
It was then decided that I should escape .. make my way to the village and make contact with the local shoe repairer who was sympathetic to our cause and from there the photographs would quickly find their way to 'Blighty' , I was then to cross the border into Switzerland then home .
That afternoon I mixed in with the Polish workers as they were marched back to their billets , one of the Poles taking my place in the hut , about a mile from the camp where the road splits and turns left to the Polish billets and right to the village the Poles all started scrapping , seizing my chance I dived into the hedge at the side of the road and hid , I laid still and watched the scrap continue for the next 30 minutes ... the fight was not planned .. it seems the Poles just liked to scrap and this was a common occurance .. the guards seeing nothing unusual just let them get on with it .. , after order had been restored and the party had marched away I started off to the village . Finding the shoe repairer was'nt hard , the road through the village was only about 100 yards long and this is where all the shops were , the sign above the door said " Fritz's Schuhreparaturen , leddenhosen repariert, während Sie warten " ( Fritz's shoes repairs , leathershorts repaired while you wait ) this was the place , I could see nobody in the shop so I went in , as I entered a tiny bell on a spring above the door rang .. and a small , bald and heavily moustached woman limped from behind the curtain , I pulled the small carved wooden Daschund the C.O. had given me from my pocket and put it on the counter .... the woman stared hard at me for what seemed an age saying nothing .. then after a small twitch of her moustache she reached under the counter and produced a small wooden Bulldog and set it down next to the Daschund , I relaxed a little ( as much as I could standing next to a a small , bald and heavily moustached woman with a limp ) , her english was very good and the photographs and what to do with them was quickly explained , she asked if I would like to stay the night as male company was hard to find in a small village , I thanked her and declined the offer , she said if I was bothered by her appearance she did have a ginger wig she could wear ... I was tempted but I had to catch the bus to the village next to the border so I thanked her again and left . I was the only one at the bus stop outside the local beer keller and there were still 5 minutes till the bus arrived , to take my mind off of the wait I started to read the time table , under the time table was a small poster " lost " Bruno " 3 year old Alsation , black and tan in colour .... small reward offered ... , just then the bus arrived , the door opened and I was about to step in when a husky voice from behind me said " You want a good time .. big boy ? " " not just now " I said and turned to see where the offer had come from , behind me was a blonde woman dressed in a long leather coat and flanking her on either side were 2 of the largest policemen I have ever seen ..... then it dawned on me that the offer had been made in English and I had replied in English to it .... I had fallen for the oldest trick in the book , the next thing I knew I had been painfully grabbed by the " Rozzers" . Back at camp we were met at the gate by the commandant and 2 goons ... " Cooler " was all he said . Well thats how I ended up in the chokey ...
.. Hagar ..
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