If your workmates find your language a bit "ripe" try these handy alternatives!

[bitzman5]

1.Try Saying: "I think you could do with more training."
Instead Of: "You don't have a f**king clue do you Lofty ?"

2.Try Saying: "She's an aggressive go-getter."
Instead Of: "She's a f**king power-crazy bitch."

3.Try Saying: "Perhaps I can work late."
Instead Of: "And when the f**k do you expect me to do this ?"

4.Try Saying: "I'm certain that isn't feasible."
Instead Of: "f**k off you arsehole !"

5.Try Saying: "Really ?"
Instead Of: "Well, f**k me sideways with a telegraph pole !"

6.Try Saying: "Perhaps you should check with............"
Instead Of: "Tell someone who actually gives a f**k !"

7.Try Saying: "I wasn't involved in the project."
Instead Of: "Not my f**king problem pal !"

8.Try Saying: "That's interesting."
Instead Of: "What the f**k."

9.Try Saying: "I'm not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale."
Instead Of: "No f**king chance mate !"

10.Try Saying: "It will be tight, but I'll try to schedule it in."
Instead Of: "Why the f**k didn't you tell me that yesterday you knob jockey ?"

11.Try Saying: "He's not familiar with the issues."
Instead Of: "He's got his head up his f**king arse !"

12.Try Saying: "Excuse me, Sir."
Instead Of: "Oi, f**k face !"

13.Try Saying: "Of course, I was only going to be at home anyway."
Instead Of: "Yeah, who needs f**king holidays anyway

[Manky Monkey]

Several of those sound familiar! I work in a busy Royal Mail sorting office with a couple of hundred people struggling to get the Mail out on time every morning. A mainly male environment, so the language does get a bit ripe, but the women are often worse than the blokes!

[BikerGran]

the women are often worse than the blokes!

I'm starting to understand that!  Life drives you to try and express your frustration with every damn thing just to get it out of your system!

[twisted]

the guys at work recon you have bugged my warehouse and recorded me bitzman! 

[andyrennison]

Funnily, the environment I work in its usually the "try saying" versions I hear. I'd love to be able to say the originals from time to time, there again, I need my job