Manky Monkey
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Karma: 264
Posts: 55102
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« on: May 24, 2011, 10:23:46 PM » |
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I saw a dyslexic Yorkshire man today. He was wearing his cat flap.
A friend of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.
I was at a cashpoint yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance. Not being one to disappoint I pushed the old dear over.
A new middle east crisis erupted last night as Dubai Television was refused permission to broadcast "The Flintstones" A spokesman for the channel said 'A claim was made that people in Dubai would not understand the humour, but we know for a fact that people in Abu Dhabi Do'
My son’s been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £70. Sod that I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not happy.
We went round to a friend's house today. His wife sat there with their new born baby. She asked if I would like to wind it. I thought that was a bit harsh so I gave it a dead leg instead.
I start a new job in Soul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
I got some new aftershave today that smells like bread crumbs. The birds love it.
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« Last Edit: May 25, 2011, 08:49:06 AM by Manky Monkey »
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On the last freedom moped out of Nowhere City.
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klogan45
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« Reply #1 on: May 24, 2011, 10:27:09 PM » |
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PMSL
Got up this morning and there was a tap on the window. The local plumber's got a strange sense of humour.
There was also a bloody great hole in my garden, the police are looking in to it.
My dog was stolen the other day, the police say they have a lead.
A burgular broke into boots the chemist and stole 200 packets of sennacott, the police are looking for a man on the run.
The perfect man, the perfect woman and father Christmas are walking down the road, they spot a £20 note, Who picks it up. The perfect man cpz the other two are not real.
I saw a bloke stealing my gate this morning. Didn't say anything in case he took a fence.
The seven dwarfs were having a bath and feeling happy, so he got out.
Two nuns in the bath and one said "where's the soap" The other said "It certainly does"
Ok, I'll get my coat......again!
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« Last Edit: May 24, 2011, 10:36:16 PM by klogan45 »
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Confucius say woman who flies upside down has crack up!
He who holds The Angle Grinder of Destiny holds the fate of bikekind in his hands.
Where did that 13mm spanner go then?
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trev
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« Reply #3 on: May 25, 2011, 08:29:31 AM » |
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two nuns cycling down a street,one says to the other,i,ve never come this way before,the other replies,it must be the cobble stones.
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yes but can blue men sing the whites?
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klogan45
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« Reply #4 on: May 25, 2011, 03:16:57 PM » |
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Confucius say woman who flies upside down has crack up!
He who holds The Angle Grinder of Destiny holds the fate of bikekind in his hands.
Where did that 13mm spanner go then?
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klogan45
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« Reply #5 on: May 25, 2011, 03:19:03 PM » |
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Two cows in a field one said "Moooooooooooooo" The other said "Git I was going to say that"
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Confucius say woman who flies upside down has crack up!
He who holds The Angle Grinder of Destiny holds the fate of bikekind in his hands.
Where did that 13mm spanner go then?
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bitzman5
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« Reply #6 on: May 26, 2011, 12:05:10 AM » |
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TWO BULLS IN THE FIELD A GROUP OF COWS AT THE BOTTOM YOUNG BULL SAYS LETS RUN DOWN S**G A FEW THE OLD BULL SAYS WE WILL WALK DOWN AND S**G THE LOT
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May your gardian angel fly faster than you can ride
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klogan45
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« Reply #7 on: May 26, 2011, 05:03:26 PM » |
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NOT a one liner....
An 18 year old girl is on her way out for the evening wearing a see through blouse and no bra. Grandma says "you can't go out like that, it's not decent" The girl says "it's the 21st century, I can show off my rose buds if I want" then goes out.
The following day the girl comes in from work and see's grandma sat topless in the garden. " You can't sit about like that Grandma, it's not decent" Grandma replies "If you can show off your rosebuds I can show off my hanging baskets"
.......Now where's the door?.....
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Logged
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Confucius say woman who flies upside down has crack up!
He who holds The Angle Grinder of Destiny holds the fate of bikekind in his hands.
Where did that 13mm spanner go then?
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