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Title: WINTER FUEL ALLOWANCE Post by: stumpy on November 11, 2013, 05:41:05 PM WINTER FUEL ALLOWANCE....
About this time of the year, older taxpayers will again be receiving another 'Winter Fuel’ payment. This is indeed a very exciting programme, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format: Q. What is a 'Winter Fuel’ payment ? A. It is money that the government will send to taxpayers. Q. Where will the government get this money ? A. From taxpayers. Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ? A. Only a smidgen of it. Q. What is the purpose of this payment ? A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase gas and electricity...or a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy. Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ? A. Shut up. Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. Economy by spending your 'Winter Fuel’ cheque wisely: * If you spend the money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to China , Taiwan or Sri Lanka * If you spend it on petrol your money will go to the Arabs * If you purchase a computer it will go to India , Taiwan or China * If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala * If you buy an efficient car it will go to Japan or Korea * If you purchase useless stuff it will go to Taiwan * If you pay off your credit cards or buy shares, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore. Instead, keep the money in the UK by: 1. Spending it at car boot sales 2. Going to night clubs 3. Spending it on prostitutes 4. Buying beer or whisky 5. Getting yourself a Tattoo 6. Visiting a bookie (These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. ) Conclusion: Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night ! No need to thank me...just glad I could be of help. Title: Re: WINTER FUEL ALLOWANCE Post by: twisted on November 11, 2013, 06:08:17 PM well said that man ;D
Title: Re: WINTER FUEL ALLOWANCE Post by: mouse on November 11, 2013, 06:19:03 PM well said that man ;D Ditto Title: Re: WINTER FUEL ALLOWANCE Post by: Mendalot on November 11, 2013, 06:51:18 PM ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: WINTER FUEL ALLOWANCE Post by: merv on November 11, 2013, 09:06:29 PM ;D ;D ;D
Title: Re: WINTER FUEL ALLOWANCE Post by: morrag on November 11, 2013, 10:56:44 PM How perceptive, and indeed a fairly accurate assessment of the situation!have in regard to a government dept. "giving" you anything!have you thought of a career in politics Stump, or is it your intention to stay reasonably honest, as per usual like the rest of us? ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D......Morrag
Title: Re: WINTER FUEL ALLOWANCE Post by: goose on November 12, 2013, 12:14:17 PM well said
Title: Re: WINTER FUEL ALLOWANCE Post by: stumpy on November 12, 2013, 05:17:57 PM How perceptive, and indeed a fairly accurate assessment of the situation!have in regard to a government dept. "giving" you anything!have you thought of a career in politics Stump, or is it your intention to stay reasonably honest, as per usual like the rest of us? ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D......Morrag i would be hopeless at politics my memory is not good enough to be a successful liar cant even do stand up philosophy ... think trike building is a better choice Title: Re: WINTER FUEL ALLOWANCE Post by: morrag on November 12, 2013, 08:17:51 PM Well as per Dirty Harry, "Know your limitations......." ;D ;D ;D
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