paddy & murphy

[zakboy]

whats one pussy stacked on top of another pussy... stacked on another pussy






a block of flaps

[zakboy]

I was nervous as I went on stage for my Britains Got Talent audition. As soon as I dropped my trousers to reveal a large W tattooed on each buttock,I knew when I bent down I was going to WOW the judges.

[zakboy]

3 guys are captured by a tribe of amazon
women and are told they are going to lose
there pen*s's by whatever jobs they have. The
1st is a lumberjack and has his chopped off,
the 2nd is a butcher and has his sliced off.
The 3rd man is in stitches laughing when the
women ask whats so funny "i work for dyson"
he says

[one arm bandit]

whats one pussy stacked on top of another pussy... stacked on another pussy






a block of flaps

   

[zakboy]

Draining his glass, Murphy said, 'I must be off. I'm taking night school classes in Vietnamese.'

'Why so?' asked the bartender.

'Well, we've just adopted a Vietnamese baby and I want to know what it says when it grows up,' replied Murphy.

[zakboy]

paddy says to Murphy "did that mudpack i recommend  improve your wife's appearance?" "It did surely," replied Murphy, "but it keeps fallin' off!"

[zakboy]

On holiday in Ibiza last year I pulled a bird in a club who was quite good looking apart from a hump in her back.

I took her down to the beech and I started digging a hole when she asked "what are you doing?"

I replied "Its a sh-g I want not a fu-king seesaw"

[zakboy]

Murphy was caught for speeding and went before the judge.The judge said, "What will you take....30 days or £30."Murphy replied, "I think Ill take the money."

[zakboy]

David Cameron has announced today a radical new policy to shorten Britain's dole queues.


He's asking them to stand closer together!

[zakboy]

Pavarotti meets Princess Diana in heaven.
He says, "I wish I had a halo as big as yours."
She replies, "F-ck off you fat ba-tard. It's a steering wheel."

[zakboy]

I'm going to tell Gordon Ramsay he needs botox.

That'll wipe the smile off his forehead.

[zakboy]

Scientist at the University of Newcastle have had to scrap plans to create human sperm.
During recent testing, the students said it tasted nothing like it.

[bitzman5]

Harold is 95 and lives in a Senior Citizen Home.
    Every night after dinner, Harold goes to a secluded garden behind the Centre to sit and ponder his accomplishments and long life.

    One evening, Mildred, age 87, wanders into the garden.
    They begin to chat and before they know it, several hours have passed.
    After a short lull in their conversation, Harold turns to Mildred and asks "Do you know what I miss most of all?"
    She asks "What?"
    "Sex!!" he replies.

    Mildred exclaims "Why you old fart. You couldn't get it up if I held a gun to your head!"

    "I know" Harold says "but it would be nice if a woman could just hold it for a while".
    "Well, I can oblige" says Mildred, who unzips his trousers, removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it.
    Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden where they would sit and talk and Mildred would hold Harold's manhood.

    Then one night Harold didn't show up at their usual meeting place. Alarmed, Mildred decided to find Harold and make sure he was okay.

    She walked around the Senior Citizen Home where she found him sitting by the pool with Ethel, another female resident, who was holding Harold's manhood!

    Furious, Mildred yelled "You two-timing son of a "censored"! What does Ethel have that I don't have?"

    Old Harold smiled happily and replied "Parkinson's".

[bitzman5]

During the  recent royal wedding, the millions around the world saw that Prince  William chose to wear a uniform that included the famous British  "red coat."
Many  people have asked, "Why did the British wear red coats in  battle?"
A long  time ago, Britain and France were at war. During one battle, the  French captured a British Colonel. They took him to their  headquarters, and the French General began to question him. Finally,  as an afterthought, the French General asked, "Why do you British  officers all wear red coats? Don't you know the red material makes  you easier targets for us to shoot at?"
In his  casual, matter-of-fact, way, the officer informed the General that  the reason British officers wear red coats is so that if they are  wounded, the blood won't show, and the men they are leading won't  panic...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
And that  is why, from that day forward, all French Army officers wear brown  trousers.   

[hunter]

   
I got this new deodorant today.

The instructions said remove cap and push up bottom.

I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells awesome.