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zakboy
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« Reply #1920 on: January 23, 2012, 07:23:08 PM » |
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The Captain of the Costa Concordia Ship was asked about
Mario Balotelli's stamp on Scott Parker.
"I believe Mario tripped and fell on Scotty Parker's face by accident", he claimed.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1921 on: January 23, 2012, 07:24:10 PM » |
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Team GB have reportedly asked Emile Heskey to play for their Badminton team because he never hits the net.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1922 on: January 23, 2012, 07:27:01 PM » |
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My wife asked me the other day what it would take to make her look good.
So I said "about a mile"
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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spanners
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« Reply #1923 on: January 24, 2012, 04:14:22 PM » |
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what come,s in on a roll and goe,s out in a bin bag , , , , , , , , , , ,#, WALLPAPER,,  |
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LIVE FAST and DIE YOUNG,, past 50 AND STILL HERE NOW. WAITING. FOR. THE. GRIM. REAPER
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zakboy
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« Reply #1924 on: January 24, 2012, 05:23:29 PM » |
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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spanners
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« Reply #1925 on: January 24, 2012, 05:40:47 PM » |
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you can gueess what job her in doors has got me doing ? ? ? , , , , , , , , , , ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,STRIPPING,,,  |
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LIVE FAST and DIE YOUNG,, past 50 AND STILL HERE NOW. WAITING. FOR. THE. GRIM. REAPER
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zakboy
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« Reply #1926 on: January 24, 2012, 06:10:29 PM » |
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dont mind taking it off...... but not putting on
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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spanners
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« Reply #1927 on: January 24, 2012, 06:22:07 PM » |
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i,m working through the layers |
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LIVE FAST and DIE YOUNG,, past 50 AND STILL HERE NOW. WAITING. FOR. THE. GRIM. REAPER
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Shafty
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Karma: 10
Posts: 132
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« Reply #1928 on: January 24, 2012, 09:37:49 PM » |
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You are talking about wallpaper? I hope.
Last time I stripped the walls in the spare room, got through about 6 layers of paper then all the plaster fell off the wall. Guess that's why they had 6 layers of paper holding everything together.
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Today I shall be mostly eating Jaffa Cakes.
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Shafty
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« Reply #1929 on: January 24, 2012, 09:42:07 PM » |
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I was doing some decorating the other day, so I got out my step-ladder. I don’t get on with my real ladder. |
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Today I shall be mostly eating Jaffa Cakes.
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zakboy
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« Reply #1930 on: January 24, 2012, 09:49:16 PM » |
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You are talking about wallpaper? I hope.
Last time I stripped the walls in the spare room, got through about 6 layers of paper then all the plaster fell off the wall. Guess that's why they had 6 layers of paper holding everything together.
had all my walls re plaster just so i could paint them no more wall papering for me....hate it |
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thebigdogsix
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« Reply #1931 on: January 24, 2012, 09:52:47 PM » |
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While she was 'flying' down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait.
The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, 'What's your hurry?'
To which she replied, 'I'm late for work.'
'Oh yeah,' said the cop, 'what do you do?'
I'm a rectum stretcher,' she responded.
The cop stammered, 'A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?'
'Well,' she said, 'I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide.'
'And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole? ' he asked.
'You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge...'
Traffic Ticket - £95.00
Court Costs - £45.00
Look on the Cop's Face...............PRICELESS
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zakboy
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« Reply #1932 on: January 24, 2012, 09:56:19 PM » |
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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Shafty
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« Reply #1933 on: January 24, 2012, 09:57:54 PM » |
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Today I shall be mostly eating Jaffa Cakes.
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zakboy
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« Reply #1934 on: January 24, 2012, 11:34:12 PM » |
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Aren't women brilliant at fixing technology? I mean just today I was watching TV when "Loose Women" came on and then the TV stopped working! Angry and now stressed I shouted to the wife,
" The TV has stopped working, any ideas?"
She came into the room and hit it a bit. Nothing happened.
" Well" she said " must be something to do with the remote then!"
Then it all became clear. TV's don't work with the remote through the screen.
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