● Just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year. Not to cause any trouble but shouldn't that be an even number?
● I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car!
● If I had a pound for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
● When wearing a bikini, women reveal 90% of their body. Men are so polite, they only look at the covered 10%.
● A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight, live longer than the men who mention it!
● Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
● You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That's your common sense leaving your body!
● Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
● My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.
We'll see about that!
● I think my neighbour is stalking me, as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw her doing it, through my telescope.
● You're not fat, you're just, erm, easier to see!
● Strong people don't put others down, they lift them up ...
... and slam them on the ground for maximum damage!
