You gotta larf

[TwistedPatience]

Paddy's in jail.  The Guard looks in his cell and see's him hanging by his feet.
"What are you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself," Paddy replies.
"It should be round your neck," says the guard.
"I tried that," says Paddy, "but I couldn't breathe."

Two lrishmen are hammering floorboards down in a house.
Paddy picks up a nail, realises it's upside down & throws it away.
He carries on doing this until Murphy says, "Why are you throwing them away?"
"Because they're upside down," says Paddy..
"You daft prat," replies Murphy, "save 'em for the ceiling!!"

The police came to O'Reilly's front door holding a picture of his wife.
They said, "Is this your wife, sir?"
Shocked, O'Reilly answered, " Yes."
They said, "I'm afraid it looks like she's been hit by a bus."
O'Reilly said, "I  know, but she has a lovely personality."

[Al]

 

[spanners]

  mint,,

[mouse]

 

[DIZZY]

like it 

[klogan45]

Mrs. Paddy got a job in the M&m's factory. Got the sack by lumchtime coz she was throwing the W's away.

[klogan45]

Mick and Paddy go for a job, mick goes in for the interview and comes out saying he got a job. Paddy was a bit worried about the questions that he would be asked so Mick decided to help him out.
"The first question was..Who was Jesus' mum, the answer is Mary"
Paddy wrote that on the handle of his shovel.
"The second question was...Who was jesus earthly dad, the answer is Joseph"
Paddy wrote that on the handle of his shovel.
Paddy got called in for the interview and after a bit of a chat the prospective employer asked
 " Who was Jesus Mum"
Paddy looked at his shovel and said "Mary"
the prospective employer asked "Who was Jesus' earthly father"
Paddy looked at his shovel and said "Joseph"
the prospective employer then said " name two of the three wise men"
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Paddy looked down and said " Spear and Jackson"