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zakboy
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« Reply #1845 on: January 18, 2012, 03:55:50 PM » |
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"You must be crazy!" raged my boss. "How can you issue a life insurance policy to a 108-year-old man?"
"That's not fair, boss," I protested, "I applied the most stringent statistical methods, as you instructed. Not a single person aged 108 has died in the last five years."
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zakboy
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« Reply #1846 on: January 18, 2012, 03:58:57 PM » |
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My mate just asked, "Have you got a pet name for your girlfriend."
I said, "Yeah, I call her Doll Face."
He said, "Why, is she gorgeous?"
I said, "Pop round later and I'll blow her up for you."
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zakboy
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« Reply #1847 on: January 18, 2012, 03:59:34 PM » |
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My wife said she's leaving me because I'm over-competitive.
"Not if I leave you first," I retorted, as I raced her to the door.
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zakboy
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« Reply #1848 on: January 18, 2012, 04:00:26 PM » |
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The captain of the Costa Concordia is maintaining he only abandoned ship before the passengers because he tripped and fell in to a life boat. I find this very feasible as I once accidently tripped and my pe-is fell in to my wife's sister.
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zakboy
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« Reply #1849 on: January 18, 2012, 04:01:23 PM » |
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BBC NEWS: Slow response to East Africa famine 'cost lives'
Well we would have responded quicker but we were eating our dinner.
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zakboy
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« Reply #1850 on: January 18, 2012, 04:02:35 PM » |
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Joe Pasquale's career as a Fitness Instructor was a disaster.
Well, nobody likes squeeky Trainers.
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zakboy
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« Reply #1851 on: January 18, 2012, 04:04:38 PM » |
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My uncle came round for a visit last night.
By my reckoning, that's 27 brothers my Mum's got.
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zakboy
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« Reply #1852 on: January 18, 2012, 04:08:21 PM » |
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I've just returned from a holiday in Africa on which I saw some truly breath taking sights,
the twiglets were huge!
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zakboy
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« Reply #1853 on: January 18, 2012, 04:09:49 PM » |
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*BREAKING NEWS*
David Attenborough has been confirmed as the official commentator for 2012 African Cup of Nations
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zakboy
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« Reply #1854 on: January 18, 2012, 04:10:26 PM » |
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ive just been out to buy my wife a new burka, shes not a muslim just a eye sore
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zakboy
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« Reply #1855 on: January 18, 2012, 04:12:46 PM » |
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Looks like the Pakistani cricket team are up to their old tricks again. I suspect that severel of the players have been bribed to deliberately beat England
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zakboy
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« Reply #1856 on: January 18, 2012, 05:02:40 PM » |
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Me and the wife were taking the dog for a walk the other day when a woman walked up to us.
"Awww...........what a cute dog you have" said the woman.
"I suppose" I replied, "Not as cute as when I married her though".
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zakboy
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« Reply #1857 on: January 18, 2012, 05:03:12 PM » |
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Emile Heskey has never actually seen any jokes about him, because he doesn't have access to the net.
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zakboy
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« Reply #1858 on: January 18, 2012, 05:07:33 PM » |
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My mate and I were speaking today about current affairs.
"Don't tell any more of those cruise ship jokes, they're awful", he demanded.
"Why not?" I questioned, "I think they're ferry funny."
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thebigdogsix
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« Reply #1859 on: January 19, 2012, 03:16:15 PM » |
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Whatever you do when the wife asks you to buy somethin to make her look sexy don't under no circumstances turn up with a crate of Stella  |
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