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zakboy
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« Reply #1830 on: January 16, 2012, 05:13:40 PM » |
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My parents told me: "You watch too much TV! You should read more!" So I turned on the subtitles.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1831 on: January 16, 2012, 06:28:29 PM » |
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My mate just rang me in tears.
His wife has left him, taken his prized Bob Marley collection and the satellite dish!
Poor ba-tard.
No woman, no sky!
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Shafty
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Posts: 132
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« Reply #1832 on: January 16, 2012, 06:31:12 PM » |
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Today I shall be mostly eating Jaffa Cakes.
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zakboy
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« Reply #1833 on: January 16, 2012, 07:48:58 PM » |
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hows things shafty  |
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zakboy
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« Reply #1834 on: January 16, 2012, 07:50:13 PM » |
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Ally McCoist and Neil Lennon are sitting in the pub for a few jars when Lennon pipes up and asks "How do you get all the women Ally?"
Ally replies "It's cos i can whistle The Sash!"
Lennon swiftly says "Can ye teach me? Can ye Ally can ye teach me?"
So Ally purses his lips and whistles The Sash and before long is swamped with gorgeous young women!
No matter how hard Lennon try's he just can't do it!
At that Ally calls it a night and tells his protege Lennon to keep practicing! Lennon keeps trying but to no avail!
After nearly 2 hours trying he decides to head home. As he pulls into his driveway he eventually whistles The Sash note perfect!!
"Is that you Ally?" shouts his wife from the bedroom window. "Hurry up, we have time for a quickie that wee kn-bs no home yet!!"
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zakboy
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« Reply #1835 on: January 16, 2012, 08:03:53 PM » |
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Condom to Tampon: "you put me out of my job for 1 week a month!"
Tampon replies: "when you dont do your job properly, i lose mine for 9 months!"
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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Shafty
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« Reply #1836 on: January 16, 2012, 08:10:31 PM » |
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Been better Zakboy me old fruit cake. Still off work with bad neck. Had MRI scan last week, should find out tomorrow whats going on. As i have a history of arthritis, I'm hoping its nothing too serious.
Not been able to do much with the GS. I got the bushes sorted for attaching the rose joints for the swing arm, ended up drilling out some spare swing arm bolts, made up some spacers, then came to a grinding halt.
Apart from that its all peachy.. How about you?
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Today I shall be mostly eating Jaffa Cakes.
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zakboy
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« Reply #1837 on: January 16, 2012, 08:44:34 PM » |
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Been better Zakboy me old fruit cake. Still off work with bad neck. Had MRI scan last week, should find out tomorrow whats going on. As i have a history of arthritis, I'm hoping its nothing too serious.
Not been able to do much with the GS. I got the bushes sorted for attaching the rose joints for the swing arm, ended up drilling out some spare swing arm bolts, made up some spacers, then came to a grinding halt.
Apart from that its all peachy.. How about you?
well hope its good new on your results matey, I'm fine just trying to get all the jobs i need to get done before the spring comes, dont want to be doing anthing over the summer this year except get out and ride and visit a few places and have a think about what project to do next,anyway hope you health improves soon and you can get back on track with the GS  |
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zakboy
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« Reply #1838 on: January 17, 2012, 07:40:31 PM » |
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Bob is sitting on a train staring dreamily at the guy across from him.
"Hey," says the guy, "why are you staring at me?"
"Whether you believe it or not," says Bob, "you are the spitting image of my wife. Except for the beard."
"I don't have a beard," says the guy.
"No, but the wife does."
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zakboy
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« Reply #1839 on: January 17, 2012, 07:41:45 PM » |
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"Dad..."
"What?"
"How do you know when you've met the right woman?"
"They fu-king tell you, son."
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zakboy
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« Reply #1840 on: January 17, 2012, 07:46:43 PM » |
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You have to be careful what you say to a french dominatrix.
I asked for mercy and she thought I was enjoying it and kicked me in the boll-cks.
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zakboy
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« Reply #1841 on: January 17, 2012, 07:47:44 PM » |
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Italian divers searching the stricken cruise ship have found two Glaswegians at the bar. They've told the divers to f-ck off, they're all inclusive.
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zakboy
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« Reply #1842 on: January 17, 2012, 07:50:32 PM » |
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I was speaking to a Jewish women the other day.
I asked her,
"Why is your husband's pe-is circumcised?"
She said,
"I won't touch anything unless it as '20% Off'.
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Give me the strength to except the things in life i can not change
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zakboy
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« Reply #1843 on: January 17, 2012, 07:56:31 PM » |
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Walking round Tesco today my wife said she was leaving me because I'm not responsible & grown up.
I was so shocked I nearly fell out the trolley.
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zakboy
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« Reply #1844 on: January 18, 2012, 03:49:06 PM » |
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Saw a muslim in a red coloured burka, almost put my letter in it
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