paddy & murphy

[zakboy]

Ahmed from work told me that he was depressed and going to commit suicide by covering himself in petrol and setting it alight
I said to him "Ahmed its times like these that you need your family and frends around you"

[thebigdogsix]

Ahmed from work told me that he was depressed and going to commit suicide by covering himself in petrol and setting it alight
I said to him "Ahmed its times like these that you need your family around you"

Dont forget his friends

[zakboy]

Ahmed from work told me that he was depressed and going to commit suicide by covering himself in petrol and setting it alight
I said to him "Ahmed its times like these that you need your family around you"

Dont forget his friends

your right BD   at to edit that now

[Shafty]

Q. Where do you find a one legged dog?
A. Where you left it.

Q. What's pink and fluffy
A. Pink fluff

Q. What's blue and fluffy
A. Pink fluff holding it's breath

What do you call a woman with one leg?
- Ilene

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting on your front porch?
- Matt

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool?
- Bob

 

[zakboy]

 

[Shafty]

What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud

What do you call a camal with 3 humps?
Humphreys

What do cows do for entertainment?
They rent moovies !

What do you call a fish with no eye ?
FSH !

What do you call a deer with no eyes ?
I have no I-Deer

What is invisable and smells like carrots?
Rabbit farts.

Why are there no asprins in the jungle?
Because the Parots-ate-em-all

Why was the Energizer Bunny arrested?
He was charged with battery.

Why do gerillas have big nostralls?
Coz they got big fingers!!!!!!!!!

 

[zakboy]

During the Second World War, my grandfather couldn't stop scribbling.

He got hit by the Doodlebug.

[zakboy]

After ten years of hard work I finally finished making my time machine today.

So I went back ten years in time and it only took me two minutes.

[zakboy]

I just bumped into an ex girlfriend that I hadn't seen since we split up.

It was a bit awkward so I said. "Listen, if during our time together there was anything that really upset you or if I really hurt you at anytime then I just want you to know that I'm sorry."

"You're sorry!" She screamed. "I was stood on the alter, four months pregnant and you decide you don't want to go through with it."

I said. "So you got my text then?"

[zakboy]

I was called by a telemarketer the other day. He asked me, "Is this an inconvenient time for you?" and when I replied it wasn't, he said, "Oh, I'll call back later then." 

[zakboy]

I walked into a jewellers and asked how much a particular chain was. The bloke answered "£425."

I said, "I'll give you £100 for it."

He replied, "Listen mate, this isn't eBay you know. So get out."

I stood outside for a further 9 hours just looking at the chain through the window. The bloke came out and said, "Mate, what the hell are you doing?"

"I'm watching it." 

[zakboy]

My wife has got long black hair running down her back...
God, how I wish it was on her head.

[zakboy]

The Sun: 'Page 3 is 40'.


Really? She doesn't look a day over 20.

[zakboy]

I'm disappointed to find that there are actually no demented old fogeys for sale on madbid.com.

[zakboy]

I dont think hitting kids is wrong; my Uncle Vernon used to hit me all the time and i turned out fine...

Just off to Hogwarts to try and defeat Voldemort with my magical friends.