WINTER FUEL ALLOWANCE

[stumpy]

WINTER FUEL ALLOWANCE....
 
 
About this time of the year, older taxpayers will again be receiving another 'Winter Fuel’ payment. This is indeed a very exciting programme, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format:
 
Q. What is a 'Winter Fuel’ payment ?
A. It is money that the government will send to taxpayers.
 
Q. Where will the government get this money ?
A. From taxpayers.
 
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money ?
A. Only a smidgen of it.
 
Q. What is the purpose of this payment ?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase gas and electricity...or a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
 
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ?
A. Shut up.
 
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.K. Economy by spending your 'Winter Fuel’ cheque wisely:
 
* If you spend the money at Asda or Tesco, the money will go to China , Taiwan or Sri Lanka
 
* If you spend it on petrol your money will go to the Arabs
 
* If you purchase a computer it will go to India , Taiwan or China
 
* If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico , Honduras and Guatemala
 
* If you buy an efficient car it will go to Japan or Korea
 
* If you purchase useless stuff it will go to Taiwan
 
* If you pay off your credit cards or buy shares, it will go to management bonuses and they will hide it offshore.
 
Instead, keep the money in the UK by:
1. Spending it at car boot sales
2. Going to night clubs
3. Spending it on prostitutes
4. Buying beer or whisky
5. Getting yourself a Tattoo
6. Visiting a bookie
(These are the only UK businesses still operating in the U.K. )
 
Conclusion: Be patriotic - go to a night club with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a car boot sale and drink beer day and night !
 
No need to thank me...just glad I could be of help.
 

[twisted]

well said that man 

[mouse]

well said that man 

Ditto

[Mendalot]

 

[merv]

 

[morrag]

How perceptive, and indeed a fairly accurate assessment of the situation!have in regard to a government dept. "giving" you anything!have you thought of a career in politics Stump, or is it your intention to stay reasonably honest, as per usual like the rest of us? ......Morrag

[goose]

well said

[stumpy]

How perceptive, and indeed a fairly accurate assessment of the situation!have in regard to a government dept. "giving" you anything!have you thought of a career in politics Stump, or is it your intention to stay reasonably honest, as per usual like the rest of us? ......Morrag

i would be hopeless at politics my memory is not good enough to be a successful liar cant even do stand up philosophy  ... think trike building is a better choice

[morrag]

Well as per Dirty Harry, "Know your limitations......."